Worthlessness

"Self-worth comes from one thing - thinking that you are worthy." –Wayne Dyer

"Self-worth comes from one thing - thinking that you are worthy." –Wayne Dyer

My feelings of unworthiness from rejection have made themselves unwanted guests for as long as I can remember. In friendship groups, family and romantic relationships, I simply don’t feel worthy of love.

Many years ago, at my graduation ceremony from Teachers College, a group of my peers and I sat chatting around the table. For some reason, no awards were being presented that evening. So, in fun, my peers had taken it upon themselves to make their own list of people who they thought were deserving of awards (which were not real awards).

“We voted you Most Likely to Succeed.” Kira leaned over and shared with me.

“Pardon?” I asked, incredulous, my mouth dropping from shock. My mind rewound on top speed, playing all of my failures and mishaps throughout my life—failing classes in high school, struggling with drugs, getting pregnant in my teens—I simply could not believe the version of me they saw. Surely, they were joking. But they weren’t. As I scanned my classmates' faces around the white linen clothed table they all smiled and nodded their heads, confirming their support.

Feelings of unworthiness are common amongst us, who have suffered rejection. In her book, Rejected, Shamed and Blamed, Rebecca Mandeville, a licensed psychotherapist, reveals that, “When the primary caregiver behaves in ways that feel rejection to the child (…), they will see themselves as the cause of their own rejection, with the root unconscious belief being, ‘I am not lovable, there must be something wrong with me.’”

This is me. My initial reaction to anything that goes wrong is to blame myself and hold myself in contempt. It’s my brain on autopilot, and me, the driver, struggling to turn it off, only I can’t find the switch. People find it hard to believe. On the outside I’m confident and bold, probably too much so. I have an opinion on everything, and love to share it with anyone who will listen. My Italian roots flair up in loud, boisterous ways. Most think I’m an extrovert, but I'm really an introvert. On the inside I’m a mushy marshmallow. Tread gingerly near my heart or I’ll come undone. Can you relate to feeling this way?

I didn’t realize how unworthy I felt until I noticed my reaction upon receiving compliments. The nature of the comment didn’t matter. If someone told me I was kind, generous, or loving for example, my initial reaction is always one of surprise. Me? I’d have to examine why the individual came up with that opinion before I can accept it, and even then, it is still hard to believe. Does this happen to you? Are you able to receive compliments or do you find them hard to believe?

Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

Everyone’s journey in life is unique, yet there are certain milestones that one expects to reach. These may be studying at a post-secondary school, starting a career, moving out of the family home, getting married and having children. My life did not reflect this typical timeline. I longed to find a husband and get married, ideally when I was young enough to have five children. However, even now as I write this, I am still unmarried.* Over the years I watched all of my siblings wed and have children. Now, I’m witnessing their children, my nieces and nephews, find and marry their mates. It’s easy for me to conclude that I’m not worthy. I believed the lie that something was wrong with me. What lies have you believed? Society has a way of trying to mold our image.

I’ve come to realize, though, the true sense of worthiness can only come from God. My identity can’t be rooted in what people say or think about me, or more importantly, how I view myself. It has to come from the one who created me and I have to believe it. How do you think God views you?

In Psalm 139:13, we discover that God created our innermost being. He knit us together in our mother’s womb. When I meditate on this, I’m astounded. First, I think of my innermost being, how rich and profound it is, and God reminds me of the scripture, Psalm 42:7, “Deep calls unto deep.” I believe each one of us, as spiritual beings, cries out to be one with God, and isn’t satisfied until the oneness is found.

Genesis 1:27 tells us we were created in God’s image and likeness and in verse 31 we learn that God stated we are good. In chapter 3:8-11 God is walking in His beautiful garden, but Adam and Eve are hiding in shame because of their sin. God calls for them. Adam responds, confessing that he heard God and became afraid, because he and Eve were naked. God asks Adam who told him He was naked, knowing that He had eaten of the tree of good and evil. I believe this is when the spiritual separation began. Now, the deepness of our spirits continually cries out to be one with the deepness of God. It takes time to cultivate this oneness with God. Where do you see yourself on this journey?

The second thing that astounds me is this: God, the creator of the heavens and the earth, who birthed forth light, water, stars, the moon, the sun, plants, moving creatures large and small, and humans in His image, made me and you. Even before I was born God wanted me. He planned for me to enter the world exactly when I did. He imprinted on me the unique and diverse DNA that He desired for me to have. I am His. You are His.

In verse 14 of Psalm 139, we read that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. The word, fearfully is derived from the Hebrew word, yare'. This is the same word used in the Bible 334 times to refer to having a fear of the Lord. The term fear means to stand in awe of, to revere, to honor, and to respect. It is with awe and reverence that we are made in His image.

The word, wonderfully is the Hebrew word, pala’. A powerful word, it means to be surpassing, be extraordinary, and to be separate. Used 71 times in the Bible, it is often attributed to express God’s actions that are humanly impossible. In Exodus, the word is used to describe all of the wonders and marvels that God did in Egypt which had never been done before. God sent a strong east wind all night to divide the waters of the Red Sea and dry the land for the Israelites to cross. The Angel of God and the pillar of the cloud moved from in front of the Israelites to behind them, keeping them separate and safe from the Egyptians.

Pala’ is also used in Joshua 3:5 to describe the wonders only God can do. Again God stopped water from flowing so that the Israelites could safely cross into the Promised Land. When all twelve Levitical priests carrying the Ark stood in the Jordan river, God caused the river to stand in one heap at the city of Adam, 16 miles up the river from Jericho.

Psalm 139:14b says that His works are wonderful. Everything that God creates, including me and you, are distinguished, extraordinary, and separate. David, the Psalmist, continues to be in awe of God when he declares in Psalm 139: 15-16 that God was with Him when he was made, when he was woven together in the depths of the earth. He declares how God saw his unformed body and all of his days were ordained and written in God’s book, before one of them ever came to be.

Think about this and let the full impact flow deep inside—God made you and I in an extraordinary and awe-inspiring way. Only God is attributed with the Hebrew words, yare’ and pala’ because only God can create in such wondrous and marvelous ways.

Even though my mother couldn’t love me while I was in her womb, God did. Jesus came for people like us, the ones who don’t feel worthy. One story I can intimately relate with is the story of the adulteress in John 8:1-11. Jesus came to the temple one morning and began teaching to a crowd. Before long, the Pharisees, wanting to trap Jesus, dragged in a woman who had been caught in adultery. The law of Moses said to stone a woman like her. The Pharisees asked Jesus what they should do with this person they considered to be a worthless and discardable member of their society.

Photo by averie woodard on Unsplash

Jesus, though, knew their hearts and motive. By giving permission to anyone without sin to stone her, Jesus challenged their judgment. One by one they left, until the woman stood in the middle of the crowd, facing Jesus. In that silent moment, Jesus declared her worthy. I can easily picture myself as that woman, standing before Jesus, guilty and feeling unloved. But that’s not where this ends. Jesus came to abolish the law and have a personal relationship with us, one that is inviting and forgiving. He loves me even when I don’t love myself and He loves you too! Are you ready to accept your worth and see yourself the way God does?

Let’s pray: Lord, show me how you see me through your eyes, through your careful and purposeful design. Help me to stop believing the lies that I have accepted for so long. I chose to think that I am worthy, that I have been fearfully and wonderfully made. Give me the strength and wisdom to stop sabotaging the beauty of your creation. Reveal to me the qualities you love about me.

Activation: Picture yourself standing before Jesus. There is no judgment. There is no shame. Instead He looks at you with eyes of love, both hands outstretched, inviting you to reach out and accept His love, because you are worthy. You are His. God created you in the most extraordinary, awe-inspiring, marvelous way. He does not want you to stay behind your glass feeling unworthy of His love.

Journal prompt: Sit with God and ask Him to show you what He loves about you. Write down three of the qualities that God shared. Think of another quality that you like about yourself that shows how God made you unique. Why do you like this aspect of yourself? How has God used this in your life?

*Since originally writing this, I met and married my husband.

(Read my Introduction to BEHIND THICK GLASS)

(Read BEHIND THICK GLASS - Day 1 Distrust)

Endnotes:

Quote: Wayne Dyer, AZ Quotes, accessed March 21, 2025, https://www.azquotes.com/quote/84153

1. Rebecca C. Mandeville, Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed: Help and Hope for Adults in the Family Scapegoat Role. (Independent Publisher, 2020)

2. Psalm 139:13-14

3. Psalm 42:7

4. Genesis 1:27, 31

5. Genesis 3:8-11

6. Psalm 139:14

7. Church of the Great God, “yare',” accessed April 24, 2023, https://www.bibletools.org/index.cfm/fuseaction/lexicon.show/ID/h3372/page/5

8. Church of the Great God, “pala,” accessed April 24, 2023,

   https://www.bibletools.org/index.cfm/fuseaction/Lexicon.show/ID/H6381/pala.htm

9. Joshua 3:5

10. Psalm 139:15-16

11. John 8:1-11